Are You My Sneakerhead Type?

During my time working at a sneaker shop, I’ve had many different experiences with a very diverse range of people and personalities. I would like to share with you the 13 types of characters I have encountered over the years. See if you can recognize yourself 🙂

#13 The Bae
Bae is in the front of the line for her man, while he is comfortably sleeping at home. Bae is getting shoes for her booboo. She stands in line for hours with all the guys. She is there religiously for every release her man wants, because she is Bae. He better put a ring on it is all I’m sayin’, girl.

#12 The Hooligan
Trouble. This guy is always causing problems. He doesn’t respect the rules. You get complaints about him during and after every single release. You never get to witness his shenanigans because he strategically does them when you won’t see him. When he is in line, you know to expect some problems. You want to punish him and put him in the corner.

#11 The Hypebeast
This guy might not even know what he is buying. And he might not even like what he is buying. He is buying because it is the cool thing to do. He generally knows he is a hypebeast and he doesn’t care. At least he admits to his hypeness.

#10 The Interrogator
This guy wants to know everything about everything. Question after question after question… He leans by the counter and tries to act casual and pretends to just be having a general conversation with you… then BOOM! He’ll sneak in and try to get some info from you. He strategically tries to ask you in different ways, hoping to trick you into answering his questions. He may also try to seduce you with treats. Beware.

#9 The Expert
This guy is a ninja. He knows everything about sneakers. You feel inadequate talking to this guy. He is a walking history book on sneakers. You cannot tell this guy anything. He already knows.

#8 The Ego
This person believes he is so cool and he is owed something. He expects favours and gets mad when you can’t prioritize him over others. You may have never ever even met him or had a conversation with him, he barely even acknowledges or says hi to you BUT you should do him favours and treat him like VIP. Makes a lot of sense! Rrrrrrright…

#7 The Old Timer
This guy is an OG sneakerhead. He constantly talks about how the game was in the “good ol’ days”. He cannot adjust to the way it is now. He lives in the past and could be bitter. This guy hates hypebeasts and businessmen.

#6 The Businessman
This guy has made a living off buying and selling sneakers. He treats it like a real job. He puts in the time, follows the rules to purchase, but his goal is always to make a profit. C.R.E.A.M.

#5 The Baby Genius
This little munchkin is in elementary school and he could school you with his sneaker knowledge. You assume he must have a dad or an older brother who is a sneakerhead. He can sometimes actually come off a little arrogant and rude but he’s so tiny and cute you just let it go. Awwwww.

#4 The Feen
This guy looks like he is literally gonna die if he doesn’t get his pair. He has tears in his eyes as he just stands at the counter and stares at you with a puppy dog face the day before the release. You do not want to let this guy down because you feel responsible for his meltdown if he doesn’t get his pair.

#3 The Wiseman
This guy is one of my favourites. He has been in the game a long time like an old timer, but the difference is he has adapted to the way the game is now. He is wise and not bitter. His attitude is cool and he doesn’t get upset. He loves sneakers and if he gets them he gets them, if not, next time. #CoolAsACucumber

#2 The Murse
This guy literally comes inside the door, straight to the counter and asks “What retro Jordan’s do you have in stock? Only the good ones, you know? The cool ones?” He will buy anything if you tell him it’s cool and it’s limited. He, himself, actually has no idea. He also often carries a murse or a satchel (man purse).

#1 The First
This is the guy who is always First in line during a big release. ALWAYS. Nobody understands how. Does he work? Does he go to school? How does he do it? He’s never tired and you’re not quite sure whether he’s a vampire. When he wants something, this guy is THERE! No F’s given. What’s his motivation? What fuels him? How does he do it?